Hey Loves! Come on in and take a load off, let’s unload this topic with a microscope, with care, but also with the level of audacity it needs.
This week hit different, for me that is. You ever had a person you held close, that you genuinely cared for, loved, met them with vulnerability and gifted them transparency only for them to operate in secrecy?
Yeah, I’m sure we all have. However, the thing that hit me most wasn’t what was said, but what wasn’t owned and what wasn’t spoken.
I’ve learned, in today’s society people love to say they’re “big on accountability.” That is until that mirror’s held straight instead of angled.
When it’s angled, they only see the parts of themselves that fit the story they want to tell.
Their favorite angle, but when it’s straight? They’re forced to have to face the parts of themselves, they swore didn’t exist.
And that my loves, is where it gets messy.
Because when you hold that mirror steady, somebody always flinches. Why? Because the truth is shocking.
They start dodging, deflecting, redirecting, trying to convince you that what you feel ain’t real.
But I’m here to tell you, feelings don’t come out of nowhere. They’re built from experiences, from conversations, from patterns, and even repeated offenses.
From small cuts that never got cleaned.From the moments you said, “Hey, that hurt,” and they acted like you were trippin’. Let the gaslighting begin.
I heard something this week that honestly stopped me in my tracks. “Your feelings aren’t valid on my end.”
I swear, that almost triggered a second crash out. In my opinion, that’s one of the most narcissistic, gaslighting things a person can say.
Because what that person is really saying is, I’m not accepting the role I played.
They’re saying, I refuse to see myself in your pain.
And that type of behavior? It does something to you.It messes with your head.
Makes you question if you really are dramatic, overly sensitive or crazy.
When really, you just needed someone to say, “I hear you and I take full responsibility for the role I played in your pain, whether intentional or not.”
Let’s be clear, validation isn’t agreement.
You don’t have to fully understand my pain to acknowledge it exists. You just have to care enough not to minimize it.
But we live in a time where folks don’t want to be held accountable.
They want to be forgiven without changing.
They want to be comforted without correcting the behavior that caused the damage.
And when you start calling that out, when you finally say,“Hey, I’m not okay with how that went down.” Whew chile, now, you’re the problem.
Let me be clear: Never feel afraid to speak up. Even if your voice shakes. Even if they call you bitter or emotional.
Even if they act unbothered, because honestly, the truth bothers people who aren’t ready to face themselves.
And when you do speak up, pay close attention to their reaction. Do they listen, or do they try to win?
Do they hear your heart, or just wait for their turn to defend themselves? Are they calm or angered?
Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
Real accountability doesn’t argue with pain. It sits in it. It says, “I didn’t see it that way, but I can understand how it felt that way.” It says, “I may not agree with all of it, but I can see where I contributed.”
That’s what real growth and accountability sound like.
And for me, I’m at the place now where I’d rather have uncomfortable truth than fake peace. I’d rather someone hold the mirror straight and let me see the whole picture than tilt it and make me believe whatever is going on is a factual depiction.
Because if we’re being real, you can’t heal from what you won’t own. (Whewww that was good)
So yeah, hold the mirror straight. Even if it shows something ugly. Even if it hurts to look. Because that’s where change starts.
Talk About It Thursday. Because pretending you didn’t do damage doesn’t make you innocent — it just makes you unaccountable.
~Kae Jaye~
Kae Jaye The Writer 