Bentley lay in his bed, deep in slumber. Beads of sweat dripping from his forehead, covers kicked back, undershirt sticking to his skin, his face was disheveled during his sleep.
The alarm clock screamed.
He bolted upright, chest heaving, sheets soaked, his eyes roamed the room in a panic.
No one was there.He was safe.
He let out the breath he had been holding.
“Damn, these dreams are getting worse.” He muttered.
He dragged himself to his bathroom, turned on the shower, while reaching in the linen cabinet, too swiftly.
“Dammit!!!!”
Pain shot through his pinky toe as it collided with the corner wall. He limped back to the shower while mumbling “This day is really starting off rough.”
Finally his body meets the shower. Warm, not too cool, not too hot, the droplets worked their way down his skin. Loosening the tension he’d carried throughout the night.
I thought I had fought this off, I can’t believe this is starting up again.
His mind spiraled , but the scent of Eucalyptus mixed with the steam, grounded him. For a brief moment, the haze softened the edges of his thoughts, just enough to settle him from what sleep had stirred.
He dropped his head forward, water rushing down his hair shafts, then meeting his face. His eyes closed, both hands against the walls of the shower, images flashing through his mind.
Benny!
He jumped, swung his head around, turned off the water, slowly opened the shower door.
Bennnyyy!
Hairs on his neck stood an inch off his skin. His hand met his face, “OUCH!”
“Get it together Bentley, there’s no way your hearing her.” He whispered.
The towel soaked the moisture from his body, he turned the water on at the sink, grabbed his toothbrush and did his morning routine.
He dressed, grabbed his phone, and that’s when he noticed. She texted. His cheeks turned red, his palms became sweaty.
Serenity: Hey Bentley. I appreciate your patience, I’d definitely like to hang out soon. Ttyl. 😌
“My day just changed course.” He said as he smiled.
The phone rang on her end. Her stomach jittered like a teenager experiencing their first crush.
“Sorry, you’ve reached Landon.” His voicemail echoed through the speaker. “I can’t come to the phone right now, please leave a message, better yet, text me.”
Patience disconnected the call. She stared at the phone, debating whether to text or leave it be. The wine glass met her lips again, the Pinot Noir met her pallet and her head fell back to the sofa.
“Mom?” Paige interrupted Patience’s thoughts.
“Yeah, babe? What’s the matter.”
“I can’t sleep.” Paige explained. Patience readjusted, and signaled for Paige to join her on the couch. “Come, babe.” She said.
Paige lay across the couch, head in her mothers lap. As Patience stroked her daughters hair, she noticed the anxiety that caused her child’s body to tremble.
“Paige, baby, relax. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” Paige exhaled, wrapped her arm around her mothers legs, and counted backwards from ten.
Remember, you control your reactions to things around you. Steady breathing, counting helps. Recalibrate your thoughts, happy moments, safe moments, go there mentally and your body will follow.
Paige remembered her days in therapy. A safe place. She thought.
**** One Year Ago****
“Baby Girl!” Michal exclaimed. “It’s so good to see you.” Michal said grinning as he held his daughter in his arms after being away from her for 6 months.
“It’s good to see you too Daddy.” Paige squealed. Her head buried in the chest of her father. She listened to the elevated rate of his heart beat, while being enveloped in the aroma of Burberry Touch, a Christmas gift from his only girl. She had no since of urgency to move. There, she had no worries, no fears, just pure genuine love.
“Look how much you’ve grown! Here, let me take your bags.” Michal couldn’t believe just how “adult” his baby girl seemed.
“I’m so glad you decided to visit me. I can’t wait to get you to the house. How was your flight.”
“It was great daddy. You really didn’t have to fly me first class, but that was dope to experience. Thank you.” She marveled.
“Anything for my baby girl. Let’s go.”
**** Current Day****
The memory of her father settled her body, calmed her mind. Sleep was vastly approaching. Her limbs begin to drop, her eyes became heavy, and her nervous system was at rest.
In that moment, Paige whispered. “Mom, I need my daddy.” Her eyes closed and her body settled.
Patience heart dropped. She knew she needed to keep him updated, but never found the perfect opportunity to reach out. Now, her baby was asking for the one man she knew would protect her by any means necessary.
Chance stared at the ceiling to keep from staring at the wall. He had grown tired of that pale grey, semi-bumpy wall. The ceiling seemed smoother. His arms folded underneath his head, mind focused on one thing. Getting out of this facility.
No way would he allow his dad to put him into another facility.
“Breaud.”
Chance hid his face from the light. “What is it?” He asked.
“Meds, breakfast.” The nurse responded. It was then Chance realized he never went to sleep. Grudgingly he obliged. Stretching as he made his was to the door.
“Open. Swallow. Tongue.” The nurse repeated.
Chance did as he was told, Open. Tongue. Except swallow.
Once past the Nurse, Chance made his way to the dining hall. He retrieved his meadow yellow food tray, grabbed his plastic utensils, a juice, and sat at the first table he reached.
This morning, he wasn’t up for pleasantries. His mind was not well, his body wasn’t either, but his ambition, escape, was fueling his actions.
Chance ate his food like his life depended on it. Two sips of juice later, and he was out of the dining hall.
He found his way back to his room, where he wanted to lay down and shut his burning eyes for a few minutes.
His head hit the flat pillow he had folded in half to achieve a little comfort. He turned his body toward the wall furthest from the door. His eyes barely open, one hand between his knees.
Soon as his mind and body were aligned, there it was again.
“Breaud.”
He thought he was dreaming. He didn’t move.
“Breaud!”
Louder this time. Closer.
“WHAT?” He yelled.
“Get up! Doc needs to see you.” Said the nurse.
“For fucks sake man!” Chance snapped.
Irritability rode shotgun as he shuffled himself to Dr. Sylvie’s office and flopped on the sofa.
“Good Morning Mr. Breaud. Long night?” Dr. Sylvie pried.
Chance rolled his eyes, “What do you think Doc?”
Dr. Sylvie smirked. “Tell me about your night. Let’s see if we cant sort out what’s the problem.”
“The problem,” Chance said flatly, “is I’m here.”
“You’re almost done Mr. Breaud. No need for the attitude.” Sylvie replied.
Chance scoffed, “easy for you to say, you get to go home, sleep in some high end bed dressed in Egyptian cotton sheet. So yes the problem is I’m here, laying on a metal cot with sheets that have the thread count of 5 probably. ” Chance revealed.
Sylvie jotted down his notes, with a slight smile on his face.
“Wipe that smirk off your face Doc.” Ain’t shit funny about this.” Chance belted out.
“I’m warning you Mr. Breaud. I’d hate to see you spiral into something you can’t climb out of.” Sylvie protested.
“I’m not with all that metaphorical rhetoric today Doc, just say what you have to say.” Chance said.
The nurses stepped closer, you okay here Dr. Sylvie?
“Am I Mr. Breaud?” Sylvie directed his question to Chance, one brow raised.
“Had you been in any type of danger, you’d know it.” Chance said.
Sylvie nodded. “Remember who holds the power here Breaud. Now, back to your night. Tell me about it.”
Dr Sylvie let off a sinister stare at Chance that shook something inside of him.
“I didn’t sleep.” Chance revealed. “My mind wouldn’t shut up, before I knew it, it was morning.” He stated.
“What was keeping you awake?” Sylvie asked.
“Getting out of here.” He shrugged. My pops said something about me not leaving, guess it got under my skin.”
“Why do you think he said that?” Sylvie asked already knowing the answer.
Chance scoffed. “To fuck with me.”
“How’d you feel about seeing your dad? I know it’s been a while.” Sylvie probed.
“Mixed emotions. Happy, confused, angry. Not necessarily in that order, but you get it.” Chance stated.
“Dude been ghost for 6 months Doc, then shows up like I’m supposed to be so receptive of him.” Chance said as he stared blankly ahead.
Sylvie made a note. “Go on Mr. Breaud.”
“Nah, I think I’ve had enough.” Chance replied.
“I’ll give you a break for now, but let me remind you, unfinished sessions aren’t exemplary of those aiming for release.”
“I hear you Doc.” Chance said as he exited the room.
Dr. Sylvie went to that drawer, pulled out that black bag, the recorder, the tape spools began to circulate. “I think his psyche is pretty much broken, tomorrow, will be the infinite test.”
He replaced the recorder, closed the drawer, and sat there with a knowing grin from ear to ear.
Jhaylen watched his baby girl rest. He knew there was so much to say, but he didn’t know just how much she’d be able to handle. One thing he knew for sure, she deserved the truth.
Syncere peeked into the door. “Good morning.” She whispered.
Jhaylen nodded, and followed her out the room into the kitchen. “Good morning,” he said. He looked at Syncere with a bout of concern.
She tried to dodge his eyes. “What Jhay?” She asked.
“We’re telling her today.” He said, voice low. Stern. Final. “There’s no reason to keep secrets from her, she’s grown, facing her own battles now.” He said and walked away.
Syncere stood there, a nervous wreck. How was she going to explain this to Serenity. All these years had gone by, Serenity never asked anything. But now, Syncere was unsure of the damage she was about to cause.
Serenity awoke to a text.
Paige: Hey Bestie. I’m checking on you, I’m sorry my mess is ruining your summer. Call me when you get up in the morning. Ly4L
Serenity loved her bestie, and she ride whatever wave with her. She never blamed Paige for any of this. After all, it wasn’t her fault her ex was coo-coo for coca puffs.
Serenity: Hey P! I’m okay, how are you? You’re not ruining anything, your my sister, I’ve got your back. Ly4L.
Serenity replied to her, and found her way to her bathroom. She hit the mood lights, a teal green color enveloped the room. She turned the water on to the garden tub, only temporarily she knows, hot.
“Hey Siri, play relaxing playlist.” She spoke into the speakers. The violin strings of Ezinma flowed through the speakers. She poured in Dr. Teals Relax & Relief into her water.
The aromas of spearmint & eucalyptus both opened her up and settled her. She grabbed her towels, disrobed, and stepped into her steaming paradise.
She grabbed the gelled eye mask on the tub, slipped it over her eyes, and allowed her body to mellow out to the sounds of the violin strings and the aromatic scents.
Forty-Five minutes later, Syncere walked in, “Jynae? You okay in here baby? We’re waiting for you in the kitchen.”
Serenity raised her mask, “yes ma. I’ll be there shortly.”
“Okay, I cooked breakfast.” Syncere stated.
Serenity’s brow raised. “You cooked?” She giggled.
“Not to much on me Serenity!” Syncere joked back.
Jhaylen sat at the kitchen island. Calm. Stoic. Like he knew he would be vindicated soon. He glanced at Syncere moving around nervously in the kitchen, from the stove, to the fridge, to the sink, to the pantry, back to the stove.
“Syn,” he called to her. She looked up at him. “Breathe.” He ordered. She did as she was told,
“When you started doing all this cooking?” Jhaylen asked jokingly.
“Ha Ha Ha, like father like daughter.” Syn shot back, “y’all gon stop coming for me.”
Serenity turned the corner, “Welp at least daddy didn’t forget you can’t cook.” She said. Syn dropped the cooking utensil, Jhaylen cleared his throat.
“What did you say?” Jhaylen asked speaking to Serenity.
Serenity stopped. She looked at her mother, who was frantically nervous for some reason.
Awkward silence echoed through the room.
“Daddy I wa.”
Jhaylen interrupted her words, “sit.”
“Jhay.” Syncere whispered.
“Hush Syn.” He spoke. “What else is it that you think I may have forgotten babygirl?”
His words carried through the room like a dagger thrown at its prey, carefully, methodically, intentionally.
The room grew still, like time shifted and stopped at the same time. The tension was noticeable, but where did it come from?
Serenity was lost. “Daddy, I was only joking.” She muttered. She looked at him with searching eyes of an adolescent weighing their options of whether to push their luck or not.
“There was more to it baby girl,” he answered. “That’s fine, but we’re not going to throw subliminal jabs. We can talk it out, air it out, figure it out, but indirect, I don’t do.” He stated.
Serenity’s palms were wet, her breathing seemed a little more upbeat than normal.
“Breathe baby girl.”
Syn was stuck. Somewhere between cooking and wanting to make this easier through food, she dropped the utensils and her heart at the same time.
“Jynae, what do you want to eat baby?” Syn’s tone was off. Less direct, more informal, nervous, antsy, less composed.
“Ma, what’s wrong with you? Why are you being so weird.”
Jaylen poured his baby girl a cup of juice, refilled his glass, never looking up at Syn. “Relax.” He commanded.
Serenity glanced back and forth at both of her parents. Something was indeed off.
“Jynae,” Syn began.
“No, Syn.” Jhaylen interrupted. “Let her finish explaining what she meant by that subliminal jab.”
Serenity’s eyes widened. “Daddy! I was only joking. Really! I meant nothing by it.” She exclaimed.
“By the way you vented last night, there’s more to it. This is your chance to get it off your chest.” He said with finality.
“Well,” She continued. “You forgot about me.” She said with her head hanging low, voice softened, whining like.
“Head up.” Jhaylen commanded. “Never show weakness when your speaking your truth.”
She listened. Obliged.
“Forgot you Serenity, I could never. Would never. You’re my sole reason for living, the reason my heart still beats.” He spoke, adamantly.
Syncere looked at him with her head cocked, eyes giving her away, cheeks wet, heart rate elevated.
She heard the brokenness in her child’s voice, the unshakable strength in the voice of her longtime love professing his never-ending love for their seed. This dismantled her even more than she was already breaking. The damage of her untruths was severe, and she was unsure if it could be repaired.
“J.. Jhay.. Let me.” She stumbled and choked over her words.
He glanced at her, reading her brokenness, realizing the weight she carried, but giving no empathy, no remorse for what he was witnessing. Not because he didn’t hurt for her, but because three years went by, no pictures, no updates, no nothing. He felt every shift alone. Now, this was her wound to heal. She had to set this right.
“Breathe and speak.” He said.
Serenity looked at her mother, “Ma? What is it?!.”
“Baby, I need to tell you something.” She began. “I haven’t been honest with you.” Tears spilling down her face, everything was sweating.
Serenity looked at both her parents, one in shambles, one calm, present. She didn’t know what what’s about to happen, but she felt the shift in the pit of her stomach.
“Your father didn’t abandon you, ahem, he was gone because of me.”
Serenity’s eyes widened. Breathing paused. Chest tight. “Wha… whaaa.. what do you m.m. mean because of you?” She struggled to get the words out.
Syn reached for her daughters hand, and she pulled it back.
“Ma, what do you mean because of you?!”
Patience looked at her phone, heart racing, but ready. Her hand shook as she scrolled through the letter, the closer she got to his name, she deeper the pit in her stomach got.
She became weary, scrambled back up to the type and decided to go another route. She typed in his name, M-I-C-H-A-L. Her mind paused, everything seems a little hazy. Did she really want to call him? Why not text him, she thought.
She looked down in her lap at Paige. Just then, Paige let out a despairing sigh while asleep. She couldn’t turn back. She had to put her feelings aside. Too much was at stake. She let out a breath, here goes nothing, she thought. Her finger tapped the phone icon, and it began to ring.
Everything froze. The only thing moving was her heartbeat,loud in her ears, loud in the room.
Damn this is the longest ring ever, she thought. Just before she was about to hang up.
“Hello.” Michal answered.
His voice trembled through the receiving end of the phone. She attempted to speak, nothing came out. She became dizzy, did I drink too much wine, she thought.
Ahem, she cleared her throat. “Hey, M, Mm, Michal it’s Patience.” She gave a fake cough, “My baby, um no , our baby, gosh… Paige needs you. She stumbled and dragged through through the words.
Michal gave a low chuckle.
“I’m already on the way,” Michal answered. “I’ll be there in ten.”
The call disconnected.
Patience’s hand finally unclenched, but her stomach didn’t.
Kae Jaye The Writer 