This morning,
I sat alone in my own space,
asking God to help me carry this weight.
Tears falling with no pretty purpose,
just hurt leaking out
’cause holding it in wasn’t working.
And wouldn’t you know it…
My phone lit up with somebody else’s pain,
and Nurturing Kae came running,again,
like she ain’t have wounds of her own.
Ready to bandage somebody
with hands still shaking,
eyes still wet,
heart still aching.
Girl… SIT DOWN.
YOU’RE hurting.
See, that’s my problem.
Even with pieces missing from me,
I’ll still break off another piece
if I think it’ll bring somebody peace.
Ignore what it costs.
Ignore what I need.
Bleed in silence
while asking somebody else,
“You good?”
Nah.
Everybody doesn’t deserve that, Kee.
Sometimes selfish ain’t a sin.
Sometimes it’s survival.
Turn the notifications off.
Let that phone ring.
Let that message sit.
Let somebody figure themselves out
without you volunteering
to be their lifeline.
Because pouring from an empty cup
ain’t noble.
It ain’t love.
And it sure ain’t nurturing
when you’re the one dying of thirst.
How many times you gon’ overdraft yourself
to fund somebody else’s healing?
Enough.
For once,
let them tend to their mess
while you tend to yours.
Be the hands that hold YOU.
Be the shoulder YOU cry on.
Be your own nurse.
Tend to your own bleed.
Nurturing Kae ain’t gotta disappear…
She just needs to learn
that Kae
deserves some of that nurturing
too.
~ Kae
