Y’all wonder why folk out here struggling in silence?!?!
Because when they DO speak on it, they’re met with dismissive remarks, judgment, and condemnation for their feelings instead of compassion. Instead of someone simply asking, “How can I be there for you?”
But the minute someone is no longer here by means of self-harm, y’all publicly asking, “Why didn’t they call me? Why didn’t they reach out?!”
BECAUSE THEY KNEW YOU’D BE YOU!
You’d dismiss them. Respond coldly. Use your own reality, your own experiences, or your perception of THEIR life to combat what you THINK you know.
All while their reality is vastly different from the one you’ve created in your mind.
You won’t respond with care. You won’t exude empathy. You won’t understand that their feelings, in whatever moment they’re experiencing them, are THEIRS. And those feelings deserve acknowledgment, even when you don’t understand them.
So, they opt to remain silent.
They sit with their thoughts. Wrestle with emotions they don’t know how to articulate. Carry burdens they desperately wish someone would help them put down.
And God forbid those thoughts become louder than their will to keep fighting…
STOP asking folk how they’re doing if you can’t handle an honest response.
STOP saying, “I got you,” when you won’t have them in their moments of fragility.
STOP saying, “I’m here for you,” when you’ve never even bothered to ask what showing up for them looks like.
Because sometimes, being there isn’t about having the right words. It’s about creating a space where someone doesn’t have to pretend they’re okay just to make YOU comfortable.
Everybody wants to be somebody’s safe place until they’re confronted with the uncomfortable reality of what that person is carrying.
And that’s the part we need to talk about.
-Kae
